At Where Red and Blue Make Green, there has been a series of comments from an anonymous user, self-dubbed as "xx". I have no idea if "xx" reads this blog, but if you do, here is a message for you. Please note that this message is not for "**", who has conducted him/herself in a much more respectful way.
What is your reasoning for being anonymous?
The only reasons I can think to justify being anonymous are a) You want to say things that you would be uncomfortable saying to Amy's face, or b) You don't want anyone to know that you read and comment on a blog about sex.
To be honest (and I'm really not trying to be rude here; I'm just trying to state my opinion clearly), the first reason shows a lack of maturity and a lack of trust in your ability to express your opinions in a graceful, personal way, and the second reason exemplifies the very nature of the kind of people Amy is trying to reach through her blog (those who are hush-hush about sexuality). Neither are good reasons IMO.
The only reasons I can think to justify being anonymous are a) You want to say things that you would be uncomfortable saying to Amy's face, or b) You don't want anyone to know that you read and comment on a blog about sex.
To be honest (and I'm really not trying to be rude here; I'm just trying to state my opinion clearly), the first reason shows a lack of maturity and a lack of trust in your ability to express your opinions in a graceful, personal way, and the second reason exemplifies the very nature of the kind of people Amy is trying to reach through her blog (those who are hush-hush about sexuality). Neither are good reasons IMO.
It would break my heart, but I would say these things to your face if I knew who you were. Whether you were an immediate family member, a friend from church, an extended family relative, or a distant acquaintance who really doesn't know Amy very well (as I so dearly hope is the case given the apparent crass nature of some of the comments).
xx, it hurts me that things have to be like this, and it bothers me that someone we probably know and love is upset. Amy didn't say that she would only respond to comments that she "likes." She welcomes differing opinions, and will respond as able, but she does not condone comments that seem to be written with any of the following: bitter feelings, condescending or backhanded remarks, or an argumentative spirit. There is no reason for any of that and Amy's recent post simply explained that she doesn't have time to rehash the same issues over and over again (as often happens in cases of comments like I described) and she might not spend her time responding if she feels that it is not a respectful, good discussion that could be beneficial for everyone.
So, I would heartfeltly ask you to examine the reasoning behind your comments and try not to be abrasive. We still welcome your feedback, but you usually aren't coming across respectfully. If you are not respectful, Amy may not respond. But if you are (and this has been shown to be true in many other cases with other people), Amy will happily thank you for your comment and move forward with the discussion.
xx, it hurts me that things have to be like this, and it bothers me that someone we probably know and love is upset. Amy didn't say that she would only respond to comments that she "likes." She welcomes differing opinions, and will respond as able, but she does not condone comments that seem to be written with any of the following: bitter feelings, condescending or backhanded remarks, or an argumentative spirit. There is no reason for any of that and Amy's recent post simply explained that she doesn't have time to rehash the same issues over and over again (as often happens in cases of comments like I described) and she might not spend her time responding if she feels that it is not a respectful, good discussion that could be beneficial for everyone.
So, I would heartfeltly ask you to examine the reasoning behind your comments and try not to be abrasive. We still welcome your feedback, but you usually aren't coming across respectfully. If you are not respectful, Amy may not respond. But if you are (and this has been shown to be true in many other cases with other people), Amy will happily thank you for your comment and move forward with the discussion.
Thank you,
Joe
xx here
ReplyDeleteMay I say that I never meant for my comments to sound condescending or disrespectful. I apologize that they came across that way. I chose to be anonymous because I do not know Amy other than meeting her a few times, and didn't feel the need to say who I was. I am certainly old enough to be reading a blog about sex. :)
If I comment anymore, I will think long and hard about them before I post. I will probably not be responding anymore because it isn't getting anyone anywhere. I appreciate that your wife is doing something to stretch people's minds. I honestly was shocked at a few of the older posts and that you, Joeseph, would be comfortable with them. I also have an argumentative nature. In my defense, I have only found 2 or three comments that were posted (if there were more I am not remembering them) and I did not realize that they would be taken so harshly. I suppose I didn't think that due to the nature of the blog itself, that I needed to be friendly, or make it sound like I was supportive when I wasn't. I disagree with most of what she chooses to post. But I suppose that that is all that needed to be said. The blog does have an adult content warning. I wasn't expecting to hear about you two personally in the shower, which for me brings visuals to mind (not that I want it to), which I found to be a little vulgar. I'm sure that if I was reading the same blog and didn't know either one of you that it wouldn't bother me at all.
I truly apologize for wasting your's and Amy's time and I won't say anything anymore unless I have something nice to say. I truly, truly did not mean to hurt anyone and probably shouldn't have posted in the first place. As a side note, I think it is very good of you to be so supportive of your wife in public. Thank you for addressing my comments, also. She could have not posted them at all. Lastly, I would like to say that I'm not sure it's fair that the comments have to be approved before everyone else can see them. I know that several of my comments were not posted, though you both obviously found them disrespectful, and I'm not sure that that is fair to your other readers. People are taking the time to respond to Amy's blog, whether they are being respectful or not, and I think that they should be seen by everyone right away, without being able to pick and choose which are posted. Of course, this is just my opinion.
Thank you, once again for addressing me.
--xx
Great comment, xx. I think you responded to this post very respectfully, yet still getting your point across. Bravo :] **
ReplyDeleteHey Joe, just wondering what you think about xx's comment here. **
ReplyDeleteI appreciated the comment and I was glad that we were able to achieve closure. That's how I feel, at least. And, I don't disagree with the points that were made. Thank you.
ReplyDelete