Blog: Gotta give God credit

Today I was clearing locked texts from my phone, and I came across one that reminded me of something significant that happened in 2012. It was something that I failed to acknowledge to anyone except my wife.

In January or so 2012, God "told me" that we were going to be making a certain amount in thousands per year by the end of 2012. I disregarded it, because it seemed completely unrealistic at the time (and why would God care about this anyway?). Yet, in late November, I realized that it had happened, down to the very thousandth dollar. It's amazing. I still don't know exactly why this happened, but I think it was given to me as a faith-building experience.

Along with this, God has given me a sense of urgency to take advantage of the position I am in now, using it for good and for long term considerations. I hope I am not disappointing.

I hope what I say here in closing isn't taken as "tooting my own horn", because I'm not. I'm thankful that God gave me the ability to handle finances and to make decisions like this one: Amy and I started our marriage paying $525 plus utilities per month for rent; when we started making more money we downgraded to $450 per month. Now, in an even more blessed position, we are downgrading again to $350 per month. That is $175 per month less than when we got married three years ago. I love it.

When most people start making more money, they buy their dream house or whatever. Instead, thank God, we're just looking to be more frugal. :)

Blog: White and blue

In contemplation of the future, I was inspired to make white and blue the color scheme for 2013 as I reload and go hard in my efforts to get healthy again.  A couple of other changes:

Weigh-ins will now occur on Tuesdays, with the first occurring on January 1, 2013.  This will set the baseline weight going into 2013.

Daily calorie totals will no longer be posted.  That ship of motivation has sailed and it's time to move on to something else.

My goal/expectation is simply this: any week with less than 1 pound of weight loss will be chalked up as a failure.  It is going to be the year of honesty, and there will be no excuses.  The number on Tuesdays will be the number.  It won't matter if I had a large meal the night before, if something strange is happening in my body, or if I got no sleep.  The number is the number.  It should balance out the following week.

Weigh-ins will be posted in this format: "Week 1: -1.1", "Week 2: Failure", and so on.  Other non-weekly posts will be made as follows: "Blog: The gym tonight".

It's going to be no nonsense.  I'm just going to get healthier and that'll be what I do.  There's no need to be fancy or cute about it.  It's my job.

See you on Tuesday, January 1, with the 2013 starting weight.

+1

I weighed in this morning at 217.8 pounds, a gain of 1.0 pounds from last week.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

Holding serve

I weighed in this week at 216.8 pounds, a change of 0.00 pounds from the last weigh-in. This is slightly disappointing given that I thought I had a really good week, but, again, it's December and I can't complain about holding steady.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

What's going to happen? (And Top Songs of 2012!)

The "holiday season" as we call it is here and with it comes a heck of a lot of challenges in terms of eating. Counting calories is hard because there are extracurricular eating opportunities popping up everywhere. Willpower can be low because it's the end of the year and you have a voice inside your head telling you it's OK to party a bit. And anytime you have a lot of new life circumstances to go along with it, it's not made any easier.

I find myself discouraged today because I have a substantial appetite but a small calorie budget. This is going to be a rough week, I know it; yet the need to make a down payment on the rest of the month is blaring like a siren in my brain. It's a conflict, it is, and I am unhappy. What would make me happy in the short term is going out of the house right now and downing a huge hot breakfast. But instead I'll choose not to, and I'll have something like a 230-calorie pack of breakfast biscuits instead in an attempt to make a down payment that will more than likely fail anyway. That is the challenge. What will make me happy long term is posting a losing number on this blog; the challenge is prioritizing that over daily satisfaction. I'll be honest; anytime I find myself in a situation like this (new job, and probably a new home in the next couple of months), eating is the last thing I want to worry about, and I tend to make sure I'm satisfied in that regard because the new job is so stressful. I don't know how to deal with that.

I am deathly afraid of gaining weight during the holidays. More so than that, I am afraid of admitting that I gained weight. I am going to do my best day by day (and I'm not going to bake a bunch of cookies, which kills me!), but one thing I haven't learned yet is how to deal with life when all you want to do is eat. Ugh. I'm so ashamed of this and I really want to succeed. I don't feel strong enough. Or, I don't feel that my stomach is small enough. I don't know. You can see the conflict there. On the one hand I'm beating myself up, and on the other hand I'm saying, "It's natural. You can't kill yourself over this. You need to do what you do and let the chips fall." I'm a mess.

Be that as it may, here are the top songs of 2012 via a Spotify playlist (they are in order to the best of my ability): Top Songs of 2012

Weigh-in delayed until next week.

Due to some things happening with me that I know will skew this week's weigh-in, I'm postponing until next week. By then, everything should be normal and it should be an accurate number.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

-0.4

It was not the horrible Thanksgiving week I expected. I weighed in this morning at 216.8, which is 0.4 pounds lighter than last week's weigh-in prior to three Thanksgiving dinners and a lot of unusual eating.

I am extremely happy with this because I expected to be saying, "All I did was eat like a normal person and I gained three pounds." This reinforces my belief that I have learned how to maintain my weight while "eating like a normal person"; it worked during the 35-day stint earlier this year and also worked during Thanksgiving week. If I can do the same + make some progress over the Christmas season, I will be in great shape heading into 2013.

Then again, maybe I didn't eat like a normal person. At my first two Thanksgiving dinners I saw thin people getting a 2nd plate full of the same food they just ate; meanwhile, I felt stuffed. That can only bode well. 

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

And, I suppose I should take this opportunity to share other news. On Monday this week I was blessed with a big promotion at work; it had been expected in the 3-6 months range but it blindsided me and a lot of other people when it happened so quickly. I have now graduated from the ranks of PSR, Mentor, Tier II Specialist, Assistant Trainer, and Team Lead; I now get to become Quality Assurance Specialist (it's a new position; I'm not replacing anyone). It's my biggest jump yet; still, it is just another step in the right direction (albeit one that I will probably spend years on). I'm excited about the challenge and all of the things I will be doing, and I'm looking forward to working with the people who make all of the decisions. The only other thing I'm working on is building up my accrued years of employment so I can get maximum PTO (25 days/year + holidays instead of 15 days/year + holidays). :)

One thing I am also very excited about is that Kylie Grabenstein will be replacing me as Team Lead. She is very well-deserving and one could argue with great effectiveness that she should have been one step ahead of me in all promotions. Any time I've been promoted my first thought has been, "But what about Kylie?" Hence, any time I get a chance to plug her merits, I do so. I am having a great time training her this week and I know she will be an amazing Team Lead, likely outperforming me. Congratulations are also in order for Rob Hovey, one of my team members who, as part of the domino effect created by the new position, will now move to Tier II.

I should also let you guys know that I am desperate to get to the doctor and have a lot of testing done. I have been experiencing very troubling, near-excruciating pain in my left arm/underarm/side of chest area, stretching into the neck and back. It has been ongoing for 3 days; I have taken a steady diet of prayer and aspirin in an attempt to subdue it but so far it has not subsided. We are in a buffer period between being on my insurance and Amy's insurance right now, and we need to wait to get verification of Amy's insurance (and ensure they don't try to "pre-existing condition" me) before I make my appointments. Quite frankly, I'm just trying to survive until then. That's what it feels like. Prayers of the semi-urgent variety would be very much appreciated.

One more thing to mention -- I feel like I've been quiet lately -- is where I stand with grad school. I started out with two classes this semester, but quickly realized that I wasn't going to be able to handle it given everything else that was going on in life. One day I was driving down the road, so stressed about school that I realized I was failing to see the beauty all around me. At that point I realized it wasn't worth it, so we decided to go ahead and cancel the loan, incur a rather unfortunate cost, and drop a class. We made the decision that any classes I take in the future will be paid for out-of-pocket because, although we only had the loan for a week or so, it made us extremely uncomfortable. The one class I stayed in is going well, and I should have an A barring a collapse in these final 2-3 weeks. I feel good about studying for and passing my GRE this year, being accepted into the MBA program, and doing well in that first class. Next year, I will be ready to start the "MBA core", which is 12 classes. We're actually not signing up for a class next semester, because we're paying out-of-pocket and we know that we will be buying a car in the very near future. In order for me to stay active in the program and avoid having to re-apply in the future, I have to sign up for a class once every 18 months. Of course I don't want to wait that long between classes, but we'll do what we have to do in terms of finances. If I do decide to stay on the MBA path, as long as I have it by the time I'm 35 I won't be disappointed.

No change heading into Thanksgiving week.

It was a frustrating 0.0 change at today's weigh-in, leaving me at a stagnant 217.2 heading into Thanksgiving week. And the mind-numbing, embarrassing plateau continues.

I needed to make progress this past week to guard against the next, and evidently I failed to do it. I don't necessarily have a defeatist mentality about the upcoming week, but I want to look at it realistically. I'm not going to be counting calories on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday; I will eat reasonably just as I did during the 35-day period earlier. More than likely, though, given the plateau that I am currently struggling to break, I will post a higher number next week and have even more ground to make up. The goal remains, however, to avoid overall weight gain during the holidays and hopefully reach 20 total pounds of loss before the new year. That goal gets more and more lofty with each passing disheartening weigh-in, but it's still attainable.

Daily calorie totals for the next week - that is, today, Monday, and Tuesday - will be posted here. On the other days I will likely be eating in the 2,000-2,500 calorie range, which should not cause weight gain in a normal individual. We'll see what happens.

Then again, a normal 24-year-old man also would have lost weight averaging about 1,800 calories consumed over the course of a week. And the mind-numbing plateau continues.

lol

It was a darn good week, yet I weighed in this morning at 217.2 pounds, which is a pound of gain. It doesn't make sense and blah blah blah, all the stuff I've said before. It appears I am in a zigzag pattern; hopefully my zag will be bigger than my zig and I will be under 216.2 next week so I can finally claim that ever-elusive "best I've been to date" number. And, I would like to punch the holidays in the mouth and finish the year strong at an even 20 pounds lost. After all, last holiday season I gained 30 pounds, so I think meeting this goal would constitute significant improvement.

Daily calorie totals for the coming week will be posted here, and I feel primed for a good one. At this point I'm more concerned with how I feel I performed than what the scale says. That's why I'm not depressed about last week because I know I did my job. I can only control what I can control.

This is pop music, folks.

Concession/victory speeches

I wanted to keep these; I don't know any way to save them so I thought I'd embed them here.

Well, that's a good week!

I weighed in this morning at 216.2 pounds, a loss of 3.0 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 15.8 pounds (I'm scrapping my "start over from 217" idea). This is extremely exciting and brings me right back to my low to-date. Now, the challenge is making sure I keep improving next week. I need to be able to say that everything is behind me next week and I'm moving forward stronger than ever. Right now, I'm just tied with best ever. :)

It was a long, grueling week of self-denial. I'm extremely excited about these results.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

Songs for Sunday

Israel Houghton & New Breed – Your Presence Is Heaven (Studio Version)

Passion – One Thing Remains (Radio Version) [feat. Kristian Stanfill]

David Crowder Band – After All (Holy) 

Matt Redman – 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)

Ashes Remain – Change My Life

Matt Maher – Hold Us Together

Newsboys – Your Love Never Fails

Jeremy Camp – Unrestrained

Kutless – Even If

TobyMac – Steal My Show

The block.

There is something awful that goes on in my mind and my body when I lose about 20 pounds: it becomes extremely difficult to keep going. This has now happened three times. The only difference this time is I'm putting it out there publicly and crying to buck the trend somehow. Failure was never an option with this journey and it still is not. I just don't know how to break this plateau. And I certainly don't want to gain weight back. So how do I overcome this block? Please, help me.

On another note, what really bothers me a bit is that my blood pressure is much worse now than it was when I started this journey. That seems counter-intuitive and is very frustrating.

Also, I have been suffering from more chest and left arm pain and discomfort of late; it may even be the worst yet. This causes me to worry about my other blood numbers, which, per the doctor, should have improved when I lost over 5% of my body weight. It's a gut-wrenching place to be; I almost feel like I have a disease I can't stop. Believe it or not, chest pains are a psychologically crippling problem that tend to also affect other areas of one's life. I can certainly attest to this. I don't quite know what to do, because I feel better when I take aspirin but I don't want to be "on it" for the rest of my life. Also, the chest pains get worse – there is no doubt they get worse – after my heart has to beat hard from exercise. On those days, I experience feelings of burning and pulling directly over the heart for the rest of the day. The pain is usually gone in the morning, but for the whole day I'm worried about a heart attack and I take aspirin.

I just shouldn't be in this situation as a 24-year-old. What should I do?

Halloween weigh-in...

Tomorrow morning's weigh-in is going to be nightmarish, I know. It's going to be a look in the mirror and decide who you want to be kind of moment. I'm bracing for disappointment and I know I'm going to have to fight hard next week to regain lost ground and hopefully come out better than ever so far on this journey. I'm so anxious to get to the point where I can say, "OK, all the fluctuations are behind me and I can move forward from point X, which is my best to date." I'm hoping that day is 11/07/2012.

Tomorrow I will post the weigh-in number at the bottom of this post, and then daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. I hope to work my butt off next week, literally.

I weighed in this morning at a shocking 219.2 pounds, which sets me back to August. If ever a time to prove people wrong, it's now. I'm so sorry for letting you all down so far.

I know you think I don't have what it takes, but I still believe.

217.6

I weighed in this week at 217.6 pounds, bringing my total weight loss to (0.6) pounds. Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

I'm not going to be like the Bills.

I might not be able to run on the field and knock the ball away on 4th down (someone, please), but I'll sure as heck win in a game that I can control.

So I'm not going to screw up my opportunity to change. I'm not going to be a perennial loser. I'm not going to let the bottom drop out of the whole operation. I'm going to rise up, overcome, and win.

Don't break character.

The Killers' "Be Still":

Humiliated again

I weighed in this week at 217.8 pounds, a gain of 1.3 pounds from the last weigh-in, bringing my total weight loss to (0.8) pounds. However, I think this is an anomaly and I'll tell you why.

1) It has been a very stressful week here and I am about a full night behind on sleep, which is proven to skew weight loss results.

2) I ate a lot yesterday, including a slice of Amy's apple blueberry pie before bed.

I have to keep pressing on and good things will happen. It feels like there is a lot to stress about in my life right now and, regardless of how much I eat, stress will always inhibit weight loss.

I need to get my stress under control and then we will start to see better results. School, in particular, has presented a big challenge, and I have to overcome that.

Posting results like this is humiliating. I can only hope for better next week.

-0.5

I weighed in this week at 216.5 pounds, a loss of 0.5 pounds from my starting weight of 217. My total weight loss is now 0.5 pounds.

Not exactly the first week I was hoping for, since I need to average 1.3 pounds/week. I'll have to make it up, but I'm not sure that will happen this week with a 3-night trip coming up over the holiday weekend.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access in Ocean City, but if I do I will be posting.

The Bills suck.

This was supposed to be the year. It was. But it's hard to do with mediocre, recycled coaches and a backup starting quarterback. I hope I'm wrong, but here's how I see the season playing out:

@ SF: L (if you thought the Bills were outclassed today, just wait until next week)
@ AZ: L (the Bills never play well out west, especially in a back-to-back)
TEN: W (if we're lucky; TEN always give us fits)
@ HOU: L (see SF comment)
@ NE: L
MIA (Thurs): W (OK, I will give us this one)
@ IND: W
JAC: W
STL: L (Jeff Fisher has that team playing winning football)
SEA (Toronto): W (but it should be close)
@ MIA: L (we're not going to sweep the Dolphins)
NYJ: W (I have to give us this one)

Yay, 8-8. More mediocrity, no good draft picks.

Overcoming anew :: Reboot

Weighing in this morning at a svelte (sarcasm) 217.0 pounds (a statistically insignificant [well within the range of fluctuation] negative change of 0.8 pounds from five weeks ago), I'm recharged and feel ready to crash through a brick wall... with my head. I'm disappointed that I didn't lose any weight over the past five weeks, but I'm extremely excited that I didn't gain any. I didn't count calories; I just used common sense and followed the principle of, "If you want to be small, order small." I learned that I know how to maintain my weight while on vacation. Now it's time to get back to losing weight each and every week, starting now. Daily calorie totals will be posted here with weekly weigh-ins occurring on Wednesdays, just as they did previously.

The thing that changes now is I'm starting from scratch. I'm no longer claiming a 15-pound loss. I'm claiming a zero pound loss and we're starting from 217.0. I would like to use 52 pounds within the next nine months. My previous goal was 175, but considering that 15 pounds didn't change my look at all, I'm not sure that 40 more pounds will change my look completely. So, I'm going for 50 (52).

So, I weigh 217 pounds, and I would like to weigh 165 by July of next year. The magic number? 1.3 pounds/week. NIH tells me to aim for 2,050 calories/day, but I will shoot for less than that.

35-Day Challenge

With my 15-pound short term goal met and no further change at today's weigh-in, it is time to embark on a 35-Day Challenge, during which this blog will be on hiatus. The challenge? Overcome an extraordinarily difficult five weeks and post a losing number at the end of it. The losing number has to be at least a pound, and I would love to see a number in the 20x's (i.e., 208), although I concede this is probably shooting too high.

In the next five weeks I will be taking three mini-vacations, going to numerous special events, celebrating my birthday, cooking out for the holiday, and starting grad school. Good food will be plentiful, and stress will be high at times. The challenge is to show that I can still lose weight when I don't have the convenience of tracking calorie intake or motivating myself through this blog.

No matter what happens, this will be a learning experience and excellent training for similar situations that arise in the future.

The next weigh-in will occur on 09/26/2012.

Lamenting the loss of Shawne Merriman

You absolutely hate it when things like this happen. Shawne Merriman, who appeared to have successfully fought back from a two-year injury, was cut yesterday by the Bills. Merriman stated on many occasions how happy he was in Buffalo and it showed through his efforts off the field to bring in free agents. Even though Merriman rarely played for the Bills (although he was involved in the landmark win over the Patriots last year), his contributions to the team off the field can't be quantified. It's true that without him the Bills would not be the team they are today, particularly on the defensive side of the ball. He is directly responsible for persuading starting linebackers Nick Barnett and Kirk Morrison to sign here. He also had a hand in the Brad Smith signing. And, without this talent on board, Mario Williams, and later Mark Anderson, likely would not have signed either. You can see right there the kind of impact he had, and even though he'll never see this I just wanted to take this opportunity to state that football, and any profession, is not all about what you do when people are watching. What you do behind the scenes can have just as much of an impact. I really looked up to Shawne and I will miss having him on the team. He was a spirited leader and motivational speaker. It's a really sad day for me because I know being on this team meant a lot to him. I hope he can catch on with another team and do well for himself this year.

-2.1

I weighed in this morning at 216.2 pounds, a loss of 2.1 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 15.8 pounds. This means I have actually met a goal! And I did it with one whole week remaining. We better mark the occasion. I don't meet goals.

Just because I met my short-term goal doesn't mean I stop the journey! No way. I have about 40 pounds to go before I reassess what I look like. I have a friend just slightly taller than me who also has a large structure (like me) and weighs 180. He looks great, so I think I might look pretty good at 175. I should at least look decent enough to be a person.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. It better be a good week. I need all the cushion I can get, with three mini-vacations coming up.

-1.1

I weighed in this morning at 218.3 pounds, a loss of 1.1 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 13.7 pounds, which is 1.3 pounds short of my 15-pound short-term goal, with two weeks remaining.

It looks like I'm going to do this! I've had 7 consecutive weeks of weight loss.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

This week, there will be no calorie total for Thursday, as I get to take the day off work to be active (I work at Active Network, you see, and we get to take two paid ActiveX days per year -- one for activity, one for charity work). So, I will be exercising more and likely eating more.

These folks are saying some good things

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/most-shocking-diet-myths-044400667.html

-0.2

I weighed in this morning at 219.4 pounds, a loss of 0.2 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 12.6 pounds, which is 2.4 pounds short of my 15-pound short-term goal, with three weeks remaining.

I like where I am, and I'm actually satisfied with this weigh-in. It was a challenging week with a lot of special events. To come through it with no gain and actually an ever so slight loss is an accomplishment.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. It should be a good week.

Kenny Chesney "Come Over"

-2.6

I weighed in this morning at 219.6 pounds, a loss of 2.6 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 12.4 pounds, which is 2.6 pounds short of my 15-pound short-term goal, with four weeks remaining.

Daily calorie totals for the next week, with the exception of Sunday (when I eat like a regular person but don't count calories), will be posted here.

God reached me through this video

My pastor often talks about God using imperfect people and questionable mediums to reach people for salvation or encouragement. This happened to me recently when, in my darkest hour, I was led to the video you're about to see, as if by the hand. I don't claim to know whether or not stories like this are true, but God used this nevertheless to bring me freedom and deliverance and a rekindling of my faith in Jesus. It brought me to streaming tears, which means more than you know. Praise the Lord who continues to reveal himself to seekers even in this day and age.

http://youtu.be/QdUGoFTfP7w

I had a way

“The only danger with slow and steady is that you might eventually gain 2 pounds in one week somehow and undo 3+ weeks of work...” – Joe, 07/13/2012

Hmm.

I weighed in at 222.2 pounds this morning, a gain of 2 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 9.8 pounds.

Flabbergasted? Sure, especially since I am looking and feeling the best I have so far on this journey and my workouts were good this week. Did I have a 7,000 net calorie gain? Of course not. There's no doubt I had a loss. You can look at the numbers. But somehow the quoted fear has been confirmed – that 0.6 per week would backfire into a week where I gained it all back and undid 3-4 weeks. This was probably a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I would be wise to apply more positive self talk next week. Is psychology truly a factor?

Honestly, today's results aren't as discouraging as I might have expected, because I just have a strong sense of them being preposterous (what more can I do, you know? If it's meant to be, it will be). Also, these results don't change my short term goal. That is to be able to claim a 15-pound loss by the six-month mark, which happens to be a Wednesday. If I can't say I've lost 15 pounds by August 22, the first six months of this journey will have been a colossal failure in terms of results. If I can achieve the 15 pounds, I think that's respectable. No one's going to criticize someone who loses 30 pounds in a year. That is healthy and should-be-permanent weight loss.

By the way, I have a policy of not posting +x.x in the blog post title. If I were to do that, in some way it feels like I would be accepting it.

So what does all of this mean? Well, it means I have to lose 5.x pounds in the next 5 weeks, bringing my total to 217.x. I hope I can do this. Obviously, it requires a bounce back from what is hopefully an aberration and an inaccurate reading today, and then a consistent 1-pound loss over 5 weeks. NIH says I can achieve my goal by eating 2,840 calories per day over the next 35 days, which is laughable. We've seen that calculators don't work, and we've seen that I've been eating far less than 2,840 calories per day and not experiencing the scheduled results. If I ate 2,840 calories per day, I would balloon back to 232 and more.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. This is going to be fun.

Ellie Goulding – Lights - Single Version

-0.6

I weighed in at 220.2 pounds this morning, a loss of 0.6 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 11.8 pounds.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty bored with this miserable 0.6 pounds/week trend, and I can't wait to get below 217 for the first time in a long time. It's kind of bizarre to see the same number each and every week for three weeks. I'm ready to break that cycle.

But, I didn't expect to this past week. I wanted to have a good week, but I found myself at a 4th of July cookout, Ruby Tuesday, Outback, and eating Gianni's pizza. I still lost weight? Are you kidding me? I threatened my body when I postulated that it's not all about calories, and now it's responding by telling me that it actually is.

Yesterday on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, a doctor illustrated a pound of fat by loading globs of butter onto a scale. It was shocking. Putting 11.8 pounds in that context, I feel pretty good right now. I've been getting regular compliments (though I still don't feel I've changed my look), and I even fit into my favorite shirt again. Things are definitely on the upswing.

Plus... I have a feeling I'm about to really dial it in (not dial it back or out). Let's see what happens going forward.

The Killers are back!

It's been a long time coming, but The Killers, not just Brandon Flowers, are finally back. And judging by the lead single, Runaways, from their forthcoming album, Battle Born, the sound is markedly different. What do you think? I was among the very first to hear the new track, and I think I like it.

Grad school update

FSU has denied my appeal of their decision to reject my work experience as insufficient. This means it's on me to take, and do well on, the GRE or GMAT sometime during my first semester. The tentative date for this is Thursday, August 23, and it's going to be the GRE (this date is tentative because I haven't paid the fee yet and the room could fill up before I do). I have already started studying.

I haven't been able to get any straight answers from FSU regarding what scores are required to gain admission into the program, so I have no doubt that it's a case-by-case evaluation. This could go either way, but in my case I don't take it as a good sign given what has transpired to date.

In doing an official practice test recently, I answered about 50-60% of the questions (including math) correctly before doing any math review or studying. Hopefully this is an indication of good things to come. If not, getting this degree will be much more of an uphill climb.

-0.6

How long will this snail's pace weight loss continue? Once again we see that my body is performing to some extent, but not to the extent that a body should perform.

I weighed in at 220.8 pounds this week, a loss of 0.6 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 11.2 pounds. This is not good enough.

Imagine for a moment that I were still weighing in every 3 weeks. If that were the case, I would be posting a -2.4 number today. I guess when you put it that way, it sounds better. After all, 2.4 pounds in 3 weeks translates to about 50 pounds in a year, which no one could argue with.

We'll see if I can do better somehow next week and finally post a -2 pound week. I have been waiting for that. I know these numbers I have been posting fall within the recommended range for weekly weight loss, but 2 pounds does also and I need some significant loss to start to change my look.

Daily calories for the next week will be posted here, with the exception of today (holiday) and, as always, Sunday.

Looking forward to 4th of July weigh-in!

It's been a good, consistent week, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning's weigh-in. I've averaged 1,835 calories throughout the week, and this should lead to a good number on my precision scale. I'm shooting for close to or over 2 pounds. That would be a great way to celebrate Independence Day!

My only regret over the past week is a 2-scoop ice cream cone I enjoyed during the fireworks in Thomas on Saturday. It was an indulgence I certainly didn't need, but I don't think anyone will hold it against me.

Snapshot in time

"I didn't do this because it was good politics. I did it because I believed it was good for the country. I did it because I believed it was good for the American people." - Barack Obama

Will this be a day we look back on as a turning point for our country? A day that represents saved lives, secured homes, and renewed hope, or... will it never have a chance to take root? Will it collapse all by itself and leave us worse off than when we started? No one can say for sure, but I'm choosing to invest in the hope of the promises of this law and fight through any consequences that ensue because at the most personal level I believe that this will help not only myself but also innumerable people in situations similar to or far worse than mine, and that is all that matters to me from a Christian perspective (see: Matt. 25:40, James 1:27).

When I hear Romney say he wants to strike down the law, repeal and replace/leave it up to states, etc., it hits me in a deeply hurtful, personal way, simply because, while he would undoubtedly present a plan that incorporates many of the same features, the process of doing so would almost surely directly result in the loss of life and/or economic security for many Americans. Now that we've accomplished what we have, I'm just not OK with delaying things further. Let's get people help, now.

I'm sure I'm naive in many things; that's not in doubt. But in my simplistic mind, this is what I've come up with. I'm happy because it feels like a great good has been done. As I told my brother yesterday, this really does feel better than a Bills win. Maybe there's hope for my priorities after all.

Why am I losing weight now?

I have enjoyed a truly diverse, flavorful, sweet, and dare I say, caloric diet over the past couple of weeks and still managed to lose weight, albeit less than I should have according to the beaten to death calculators. Over the past week, I actually had two cinnamon rolls and milk, pizza, El Canelo, McDonald's, Arby's, and two alcoholic drinks. I'm pretty happy that I was able to enjoy things like this and still clock out each day at a good calorie level. Maybe I am learning how to balance everything, or maybe I'm just benefiting from a positive bio-trend that's keeping my hunger at bay and my metabolism sharp (still dull, but as sharp as possible). We'll see how things continue to go.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm already seeing the health benefits of my new job. With a lot of extra walking and standing now on my daily plate, maybe this is making the difference.

-0.6

I weighed in at 221.4 pounds this morning, a loss of 0.6 pounds from last week, bringing my total weight loss to 10.6 pounds.

Once again, not what I was hoping for but I'll take any progress. Hopefully we're building some momentum now.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. There will be no totals for Saturday as I will be out of town for the weekend.

-1.2

I weighed in this morning at 222.0 pounds, a loss of 1.2 pounds from last week. I'll take it.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

Talking about calories

Last night I was looking at some online weight loss calculators, as I often do as an ongoing training tool and gauge of how I'm doing. I came across a disclaimer on one of the calculators that read, "Humans are not calculators. Humans are not robots, and everyone will obtain individual results." So this begs the question: Why?

Now I have beat the "it's all about calories" horse to the ground but in recent weeks, as I hinted at in a previous post(s), I have come to believe differently simply because I have followed A Technical Approach, I am not underestimating my calories (if anything, I overestimate), and I haven't been losing weight when I should be losing 1-2 pounds per week according to each and every calculator.

That's why I now believe that each and every human being is wired a certain way and God controls who is fat and who is not, assuming a person is getting a full ration (please, no examples of starving people all being skinny). Now I do believe it is possible for me to lose weight and this journey is not slowing down. I just think it will be very slow and perhaps not happen at all because God wired my body to always stay at this set point. If it were true that you can "fire up your metabolism" by eating every 2-3 hours, why am I still not losing weight, and why is my colleague at work (mentioned previously), who goes hours without eating and then gorges himself, so thin? It's because of an unexplained factor that no one takes into account; a factor that gives rise to the disclaimer that humans are not calculators: there are subtleties occurring in the human existence, some physical and some spiritual, which contribute to our ability or inability to change our body type.

Other questions to ponder:

Does eating cheese and other saturated fats really make or keep you fat regardless of your other caloric intake? I'm starting to believe that it does.

Is weight loss actually more about the mind and less about the body? If you believe that you will lose weight, will you then see results?

Is the science somehow wrong? Is 3,500 calories not really a pound?
Does eating 300 calories of chocolate affect your body in a different way than eating 300 calories of asparagus? Now I'm not talking about "it makes me feel more full so I eat less later" so please don't go there. I'm talking about direct effects. Here's the thing – I don't think any of us would say that it wouldn't have a different effect. But the "it's all about calories" science would indicate that it shouldn't. What gives?

As you can see, I'm starting to ask some questions that border on conspiratorial. That shows you where I am in trying to explain away what's happening. Folks, I've been eating under 2,000 calories every day for months. I can count on one hand the days I've had a "normal 2,000 calorie day" in the past four months. To maintain my weight, I supposedly need to be eating in the mid-upper 2000s. So something has to give, right? Yes, if it were all about calories. No, if what I'm suggesting is true.

At church on Sunday, at a special Father's Day service, I walked away from donuts (all my favorite varieties), cinnamon rolls, other breakfast pastries, and biscuits and sausage gravy while everyone else ate to their heart's content, seemingly without a single thought to the fact that they likely consumed a normal breakfast that morning plus a cool 1,000 calories of breakfast pastry and gravy. Am I wrong to feel that I deserve a reward for walking away?

Wednesday weigh-ins begin today

Weekly weigh-ins are back and will be posted on Wednesdays going forward. That means calorie totals for today through next Tuesday will be posted here.

I received my shiny new digital scale yesterday and weighed in at 223.2 pounds this morning. I can live with that; it means no weight gain and still a total weight loss of about 10 pounds so far. Because I was fearing far worse, I was happy when I saw the number. And, there is a certain comfort in knowing that this scale is accurate. Guessing is no longer a part of the process. I was worried that this scale would show I hadn't lost any weight throughout this entire journey! But I have, and that's an encouragement going forward.

In other news, I have written and sent an appeal to FSU regarding their denial of my GMAT/GRE grad school waiver on the basis of insufficient management experience. Through several of my roles at my current workplace and numerous other positions, I have exceeded the two-year requirement. If they say no, I'll have to make a decision about what to do going forward. More to come.

Apology for negativity

I am still upset about my metabolism and grad school setback (see: last two posts), but I want to apologize for the themes of negativity. It's not my intent to be a downer but to share my struggles as well as my times of joy. It just so happens that the last two days have been very frustrating. Hopefully I will feel better and gain a new perspective after the gym this evening.

Huge setback

I received an e-mail from FSU this morning advising me that Dr. Anderson has reviewed my resume and determined that my work experience is insufficient to waive the GMAT/GRE requirement for admission into the program. This flies in the face of everything I had been advised to date, as FSU had previously indicated that they expected my resume, along with my 3.78 GPA, to be fully adequate (and why Dr. Anderson, who my family knows personally, reviewed my documents instead of program coordinator Dr. Ross, who was said to be the one reviewing them, is a mystery; I was advised that Dr. Ross would surely approve my resume). It's a huge shock, and it's also a huge slap in the face to my work. And what does it mean? Well, I have until the end of the fall semester (I can still take the classes I signed up for) to submit a passing GMAT or GRE. This will be no small task as I am fully confident in my abilities to do well in high level management classes, but not confident at all in my abilities to competently perform basic algebra and geometry. I have failed or done poorly on every standardized test I have ever taken. Plus, the test costs $250 (this is for the GMAT, which is the only one I've looked into so far) and would require me to take time off work. Not feeling great right now.

Warning: Please don't judge me for what I'm about to say. This is part of it.

For lunch today, a coworker of mine went to McDonald's and ate the following: Bacon double cheeseburger (570 calories), large fries (500 calories), hot cakes with butter and syrup (600 calories), and a Dr. Pepper (250 calories). Total: 1,920 calories. This single meal is more than I will eat on a normal day, but is the usual for my colleague, who happens to be the thinnest person I've ever seen. He drinks nightly, rarely exercises, and regularly eats meals like this or orders in a pizza (or some other kind of pizza shop product). I am not exaggerating.

This is not an encouraging post. This is an angry post. This is not fair, but it's reality. How do I deal with this? How do I not feel angry, jealous, and hopeless? Today, I had 1,785 mediocre calories and took a walk after dinner. It was fine. But he was able to eat like this and pay nothing for it? And when you throw in the fact that I do great today, take a walk, and then suffer from chest pain at the end of it, it just makes it all worse. Also, my wife is sitting on the couch eating an Oatmeal Creme Pie. I am not. Yet I can tell my body is gaining weight back daily and I feel powerless to stop it (love, I really do not begrudge you your Oatmeal Creme Pies).

I am so frustrated, but will keep going tomorrow. The journey continues. I will eat well, I will go to the gym, and then I will repeat it all again until the next discouraging weigh-in.

A good day

Today was a good day. Diet consisted of Cheerios, a pita with some hummus and cheese, a grilled chicken sandwich and, as a rare treat, some simply divine apple crumble and vanilla ice cream. All this for 1,785 calories. Plus, I spent virtually the entire day out of the house (though I did watch some tennis this morning and make that Keane mix I mentioned yesterday) recycling, shopping (your mouth would drop if you saw the box full of food I got at Save-a-Lot for $15, and I got two basically free bottles of V-8 Smoothie at Martin's because I wrote a sob story to Campbell's about how their soup ruined my lunch one day at work so they sent me premium coupons), etc. I even said some nice things to strangers and found myself in a state that I was very pleased to find exists. And, when I finally met up with Amy (she had spent the day at yard sales with her cousin) we saw a movie, had gumballs, and bought a couple of pairs of pants which will make her ongoing professional life much less of a daily headache. It was a good day (anyone catch that reference?). Tomorrow, I think we're going to Rocky Gap to hike and whatnot, and then maybe have some turkey burgers in the evening. Should be a good tomorrow, too!

Keane are back?

It appears that Keane may be back to their old selves after a long hiatus. I haven't listened to the full new album yet, but when I do I'm sure I will be making a new "best of Keane" mix. There's almost no music I would rather listen to if it were my final day.

This song is so inspiring.

Chest pain/digital scale

As you may have gathered, I'm at a standstill with my weigh-ins until I receive the new high quality digital scale that I ordered. Amy and I actually get each other a small gift each month, and she combined my May and June gifts to get me the scale. Thanks, love. :) Anyway, the next weigh-in will occur the morning after I receive my shiny new digital scale, which will likely be an eye-opening experience in a negative way. I would do well to start building up inner strength to resist the voices I'll hear when I see the number on that scale. I am anticipating an overall reset and a reinstatement of the original 21-Day Metabolism Makeover plan.

Until the next weigh-in, calorie totals will continue to be posted on the A Sleeping Giant Awakes post. You can see from the totals that I am still eating to lose weight (and I'm sticking to my workout schedule, by the way), but something's wrong in my body right now. I don't know what else to say. There is no doubt in my mind that I am gaining weight back right now, and I have no explanation for it. It's humiliating, and if I were my readers I would be feeling skeptical about this whole process. But guess what? I'm in charge, and I know that one day I do end up winning this thing. So be patient. This is a journey.

That said, I have been experiencing more unexplained chest pain in the past week or so than I have for quite a while. What's so disconcerting about these episodes is that they're different every time, and they always occur on the left side of my chest/shoulder/left arm. I have also been experiencing tightness in the center of my chest. In this I am also at a loss as to what to do. I can't afford tests that actually show me what the heart looks like (and whether or not I have heart disease), so it's all guesswork based on my symptoms and blood work. And, those factors show that I should be OK and there's nothing diagnosable. Yet the discomfort remains, and it is extremely debilitating to my psyche. It makes me anxious for everything and uneasy about my entire life. It makes me worry about things a 23-year-old has no business worrying about. And I wonder, is this all phantom pain placed by God for a reason? If I were thin and muscular and pain free, would I become a vain, selfish, arrogant person? I don't know. But there's a reason for what I'm going through.

Mainstay – These Pages

Bittersweet

Today, I got a promotion at work that I've been working toward for a long time. Starting Monday, I'm going to be a Team Lead – actually the Team Lead of the very team with which I started. I will be above my old supervisor, who I credit for helping in a huge way to get me to where I am now. It's not a final destination by any means (rather, a step along the way), but it is a very important milestone that I had to reach in order to continue to move forward. This, combined with the beginning of graduate school in August, makes things pretty exciting in my life right now.

That said, leaving my HelpLine team is going to be really hard. It's bittersweet in the worst way. I have said to many people that this wasn't like other promotions. This time, my heart kind of sank. I grew to truly love the team and look forward to their company, especially as I and others worked to create a more positive culture. I made some good friends and grew in many ways. I'm going to miss everyone and everything, including the work. I loved doing research, and I loved E-Messaging. Maybe one day I'll have my own E-Messaging team, but for now I'm out of the picture, and that kind of sucks. But the positives of moving to a Team Lead position far outweigh the negatives. Sure, I'm going to have to give up some of the things I love to do, but I'm going to have a greater sphere of influence, gain management experience, enjoy health benefits, and hone my people skills. I will also get to take "Sup Sup" calls, which means I get to be the last line of defense against doubly irate participants (if a participant doesn't like what a PSR has to say, he'll ask for a supervisor; if he doesn't like what the Tier II Specialist [my old position] has to say, he'll ask for another supervisor, and that's where I come in).

There's less nervousness for starting the new position and more sadness for leaving my current one. I really don't know what more to say other than I'm just really going to miss it. But like I said in the meeting today, this is necessary. Sometimes you have to cut against the grain to get to something sweeter.

And tonight, I entertained the thought of having a bowl of ice cream to celebrate. But it was easy to resist. I'm not losing weight, but I love that. I've changed.

Different shapes and sizes?

This post might be extended in the near future, but I would appreciate your responses to this question: Do we really all come in different shapes and sizes?

Parents tell fat kids this all the time to make them feel better, and I don't think most of them really believe it. But is it actually true? According to Jill Comess, director of food science and nutrition at Norfolk State University, it just might be. "Researchers estimate that your genes account for at least 50% - and as much as 90% - of your stored body fat."

What say you? Do I have to work that much harder to lose weight?

A sleeping giant awakes

I'm done. My 62.5 hour week is over; I had a high calorie day today (any day that starts with a 5:30 Denny's breakfast with a colleague is going to be a challenge) after great days the rest of the week, and now that I'm done focusing so hard on my job I'm ready to wake the sleeping giant. I'm happy to be here and can't wait to get back to the gym on Tuesday.

The next weigh-in will occur on Monday, June 10, pending receipt of a new digital scale. I'm going to have a great week this week.

Signed,

Joe

Challenges of the upcoming week

This coming week (Tuesday-Friday), I will be working 7:00am-9:00pm daily, and needless to say this will present some challenges. I won't be able to work out as I regularly do, and my days will revolve fully around work. I'm not going to give up for a week, but at the same time I won't have time to prepare the same kinds of things I normally would. It will be a big challenge. For this week, I'm hoping to stay at or around 2,000 calories/day. This should lead to minimal weight loss, and certainly no weight gain. I will also be active on my breaks at work, and I trust that an active weekend will follow the workweek.

Fortunately, I just came back from Ohio, where I had a good weekend with family. I was very active, playing soccer twice, taking walks, and playing basketball and ping-pong.

Daily comments of calorie totals will be added to this post daily throughout the course of this week.

-0

I just had my first weigh-in for A Technical Approach, Week 1. The result? -0.

I am incredulous. It has now been 7 weeks since I had a negative number.

This is a blog, so I think I'm allowed to say what I'm thinking at any given time. At this time, I am pissed off. Not discouraged, pissed off. I'm going to stick to my calorie allowance today, just as I did every other day last week. But I'm resentful.

Last week, I ate according to the guidelines in A Technical Approach, and I definitely worked out in excess of the guidelines.

Just like I have a really hard time dealing with unreliable people, I have a tough time dealing with unreliable calculators.

According to this calculator, I should have lost 1.5 pounds this week.

According to this calculator, I should have lost 2 pounds this week.

According to this calculator, I should have lost 3 pounds this week.

According to this calculator, I should have lost 2 pounds this week.

According to this formula, I should have lost 2 pounds this week.

So the saga of trying to figure out what actually causes weight loss continues.

There will be no weigh-in next Monday. I will be in Ohio. The next weigh-in will occur on Monday, June  4.

A Technical Approach to Weight Loss

EDIT: I will be posting daily calorie totals from livestrong.com in the comments of each weekly weigh-in post, starting with this week on this post. There will be no totals on Sundays.

A Technical Approach to Weight Loss

Basic principle: Eat regular, small meals –– Maintain an active lifestyle –– Work out 3x/week

Technical Approach start date: Monday, May 14

Weight loss to date: 10 lbs.

Current weight: 222

Goal weight: 165-175

I’m bringing out the big guns.

This is a journey. On a journey there are twists and turns, ups and downs, and changes in terrain. Sometimes, you overcome a challenge and find yourself in the clear. Other times, you have to push. You have to push hard. You have to analyze your motivations, refine your technique, and, sometimes, make a decision to jump in with both feet and go rogue, competing at an unprecedented level of 100% focus and 100% effort.

Until the journey is over, it is all that matters. You’ll do anything to achieve your goal.

So today I am turning the page. Today, the rules change.

What is a Technical Approach to weight loss? It’s one where you know the science, you know the math, and you formulate your lifestyle around it. You monitor everything closely and report it accurately, knowing that you should see the results you want as long as you do your part.

Read on to find my workout schedule, highlights of my eating plan, goals, and psychological Joebabble. Also, from this point forward, I will be completing a daily eating journal on livestrong.com. This eating log will be educational for me as I look back on my successes and (hopefully not) failures. I would like to link to it so you could follow along, but in exploring the site I wasn't able to find such a functionality.

From this point forward, I will also be posting weekly weigh-ins. The reason for this is because I feel ready for a more high-pressure experience, and weekly weigh-ins leave me virtually no margin for error.

Working out:

At the gym (Tuesdays and Thursdays): burn at least 500 calories using bike, treadmill, elliptical, and strength training machines.

At home (Saturdays): rotate between Robert Ferguson’s 24-minute Burn & Tone DVD and 36-minute Fight the Fat Kickboxing DVD. Because these workouts incorporate strength training, the body will continue to burn post-workout, and we can assume that, on average, at least 500 calories are being expended, if not more.

Active lifestyle: Weather permitting, at least two hour-long walks around town and/or on local trails throughout the week.

Calories burned through weekly exercise: 2,000

In pounds per month: 2.5

Eating plan:

After consulting numerous resources and online calculators, I have determined that in order to reach my goal weight, I need to consume about 1,700 calories per day. Physical activity is factored into the equation that resulted in the 1,700 number, so I don’t get to eat more than 1,700 on days I work out. It is a strict number. Also factored into the equation is the fact that caloric needs change as weight is lost. This is a general overall target number that should lead to steady results. For those wondering, 1,700 is about 500 calories below the caloric intake that my body would need to maintain weight as-is if significant exercise were not taking place. Therefore, I conclude that to consume 1,700 calories in a day is to reduce my overall caloric intake by at least 500 calories per day.

A day on this plan consists of:

Small, 300-600 calorie meals

2-3 100-300 calorie snacks

Each meal consists of protein and carbs (usually a combination of slow carbs and fast carbs). Fast carbs (bread, pasta, potatoes, sugars, etc.) should be limited, while protein should be the primary component of any meal. “Proteins” are meat, fish, dairy products, nuts, etc.

Snacks can be entirely protein, fast carb, or slow carb. If you are having a fast carb snack, however, it is best to combine this with a protein to ensure that blood sugar levels don’t spike.

Breakfast suggestions: 2 eggs, 4 strips turkey bacon, and 1 slice 2% cheese scrambled together (delicious and under 300 calories); whole grain toast with natural peanut butter and skim milk; oatmeal with turkey bacon; cereal with skim milk; whole grain pancakes with sugar free syrup; egg sandwich with honey mustard, turkey bacon, and 2% cheese on whole grain bread; your ideas?

Lunch suggestions: Loaded salad; McDonald’s Southwest Salad; can of tuna with whole grain crackers; avocado with tuna inside; chicken salad; Healthy Choice steaming entrées; turkey, hummus, and pepper jack sandwich on whole grain bread; roast beef, tomato, and horseradish sandwich on whole grain bread; Subway; soup; your ideas?

Snack suggestions: Pistachios; almonds; cottage cheese; carrots with fat-free ranch; yogurt (not Yoplait); Kellogg’s FiberPlus bar; Clif Mojo bar; cheese stick; hard-boiled egg; beef jerky; whole grain crackers with hummus; fruit cup; Sun Chips; homemade cookie with skim milk; whole grain tortilla chips with salsa; pretzels with honey mustard; popcorn (no butter); your ideas?

Dietary subsitutions (these are not all hard and fast; they are general guidelines):

Soda: Diet soda Diet soda: Seltzer water

2% milk: Skim milk

Added sugar: Splenda

Bacon: Turkey bacon

Butter: Smart Balance

Cheese: 2% cheese (this is extremely difficult for me!)

Cream cheese: Neufchâtel cheese

Creamy peanut butter: Natural peanut butter

Ground beef: Ground turkey

Jam: Sugar-free jam

Mayo: Honey mustard

Orange juice: Tropicana 50/50

Pepperoni: Turkey pepperoni

Refined grains: Whole grains (bread, pasta, tortillas, breakfast foods, you name it)

Salad dressing: Fat free salad dressing

Sausage: Turkey or chicken sausage

Syrup: Sugar-free syrup

What am I missing?

I have also developed a rather extensive list of good choices at many local eateries. For space’s sake (although that might already be shot), I am excluding that here.

Calories burned through weekly eating: 3,500

In pounds per week: 1

Results when combined with calories burned through exercise:

2.5 x 12 + 1 x 52 / 12 = 6.8 (7)

Using this Technical Approach to weight loss, I will lose an average of seven pounds per month and, by the end of the year, I will be between 165-175 pounds.

I will stick to the guidelines above. If they don’t work, I will have disproved the scientific fact that weight loss is about calorie intake vs. calorie expenditure and that one pound = 3,500 calories. If I truly am a man of integrity and stay true to my word, I cannot fail.

I have no interest in dabbling in this in 2013.

Psychological Joebabble:

·         Food isn’t the only thing to look forward to in life. See below:

• Time spent with my wife going out, hiking, playing games, watching movies, and talking about the future.
• To reiterate: The future.
• Church, and spending time with family and friends.
• Entertaining people at our house.
• New music.
• The NFL and other sports.
• Travel.
• Improved finances.

·         When I reach my goal weight, I will:

• Have cholesterol, blood pressure, and blood sugar numbers in the “healthy” range (I trust).
• Look better.
• Feel better.
• Have more self-confidence, enabling me to grow in my personal life and career.
• Live longer.
• Be able to do things I’ve only ever dreamed of doing.

·         I have all these people I don’t want to let down, and I want to prove myself.

• What will my wife, family, friends, and colleagues think if I fail?

I’ve put all of this in front of me for all to see now. I have to succeed. My options are 1) succeed, or 2) disappear from this blog without explanation and hope that everyone forgets – which is something typical of weak people with a losing mentality and a total lack of willpower.

I will not be that kind of person.

Hey!

Lifestyle

I feel as though the concept of "lifestyle change" rather than weight loss has been beaten to death, but it really is something that I believe in and am currently experiencing.

I'm living the way I see myself living my life long-term. I'm not on a weight loss binge. My journey has led me to a lifestyle I love and will always crave... the kind of lifestyle that has me not wanting curly fries and mozzarella sticks when I have an occasion to go to Arby's with a group from church, but has me more than satisfied by a single plain roast beef sandwich and calorie-free drink. If I feel satiated, unbloated, and not full of grease, I feel great, and I want to keep feeling that way. I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

Work out hard three times a week, maintain an active lifestyle otherwise, eat small meals, and don't deny yourself special things when they are presented before you, but don't seek them out yourself. It really is that easy to lose weight, feel good, and never want to go back.

So how much weight will I have lost come next Monday? I really have no idea. But I'm feeling better about myself than I ever have. I was at the gym from 7:00-8:30 tonight, and I could've kept going. I've just come to love it, and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else when I'm there. Because of this, I feel that I have truly accomplished something unprecedented in my life, even though I certainly haven't reached my goal weight (and, honestly, I look the same).

And, The Avengers is an awesome movie. I haven't enjoyed a movie as much as I enjoyed it for quite some time. It's quite a spectacle to take in. I would definitely recommend, however, that you see Captain America beforehand. He's my favorite character, and you lose a lot when watching The Avengers if you aren't already familiar with him.

What are your passions in life?

Sometimes it is necessary to "sit back" and think about the things that make you feel alive. What excites you at the core and makes you feel that life is worthwhile? For me, it's the things I'll talk about here. It's so interesting to consider how I ended up being stirred by these things. Was I born this way, or was it all learned?

Before I begin, I would first like to say that my wife, Amy, would be No. 1 on this list if it were people-centric. She has helped to shape many of these passions, and all of my dreams have her at the center. So, before you go thinking that I don't love my wife, I thought I should clarify. Now, on to my passions:

1. Health promotion and well-prepared food.

How fitting that my #1 passion is also my undoing. No one really takes the fat guy's health tips seriously, and I understand that. It's frustrating, but it gives me motivation to get in shape so I will finally have some credibility. I just love talking about diet, exercise, and lifestyle, and my interest keeps ballooning with no end in sight. Is this going to be my life? Also, I love to prepare food.

2. Financial literacy/planning.

This and No. 1 are the two things that I could speak about at length with people I've never conversed with before, and if a discussion about finance is going on, my ears perk up and I'm sure to become a big contributor to it. My area of interest is more in helping people learn basic financial principles; it's not so much an interest in talking about investment strategy, although I also enjoy that.

Interjection: So, now you understand why I talk about the things I do. Especially with No. 1, it's hard to control the bubbling passion. Sorry!

3. Recorded music.

It is important to make a distinction here. I have a passion for the art form that is recorded music, with all of its gimmicks and artificiality. I have come to realize that I do not appreciate live music in the same way, which means that my passion is for records themselves. The way I see it, you can do much more for people on a record than you can in a live venue. My view is an outlandish one that many would disagree with, and that's fine, but this is what makes my love of music unusual. I love pop/rock perfection, radio, marketing, and mixing. To some extent, this passion also applies to movies, but I would call it more of an interest than a passion.

4. Theatre participation.

In general, I don't enjoy going to the theatre. I find it quite miserable. However, there is simply no feeling like being on stage in front of people. I have never experienced anything that would rival it. It's months of epic, hard work culminating in a grand performance that's going to convict you, make you laugh and cry, or stir you to action in some way. It's powerful. It's amazing. And the cast and crew camaraderie? One of the best things in life.

5. Travel.

Experiencing new places and escaping from the life we know is a passion many of us share, I think. I particularly enjoy long drives, hotels and, for goodness' sake, food. I dream of taking 2 years off and traveling across the country.

5. Sports and games.

Whether it's a United States World Cup victory, a Buffalo Bills win, or a game of Scrabble, my competitive juices flow, and it makes me feel alive. I also love to play sports, but physical limitations from the knees down hamper my ability to do so.

6. Reliable people.

People who do what they say they'll do and can be counted on are few and far between in the world. In the rare case that I find someone like this, I try to tell them what a difference they make. I will always try to be one of these people. I fail miserably at times, but I try.

7. Jesus.

The filter for all of my passions and the perspective through which I try to view my marriage, my work, and my leisure time; the one who, if absent, leaves a void in my chest that none of my passions can fill; the one I want to be like and make a difference for; the one I come to know more through the outdoors, music, people, and reflection; the one for whom I will give up any or all of my passions at beck or call – because when I am part of an Easter play and I hear the pastor say, "Twelve people were saved last night", I am overcome, and nothing else matters.

The name of this game

Race to the finish Perseverance.

It's a new May

After a wonderful loaded salad dinner and a long walk to Dollar General and back, I am sitting at home watching The Biggest Loser finale. This is a big deal, because The Biggest Loser has been a huge encouragement to me, and it's so great to see how some of these people have succeeded. It's truly inspiring; I find myself thinking, "If only I could own this and go back and watch it every month or so." I'm going to have to keep this very close to heart, as I won't have the weekly refresher from this point forward.

But that's OK. I have to be honest, it took me about a week to get over last week's setback. It hurt me a great deal, and I was in "hang on for dear life" mode all week long. Your support – especially a text message from Juice – and a charged discussion with my wife kept me going. Not necessarily going strong, but still going – and I think that's important. The immediate response to disappointment is so key. It can make or break you.

So here we are, May 1, 2012. I'm alive and kicking, and I'm coming off one of my best days so far on this journey. The energy to work out is there. The willpower to eat right is there. The ideas for blog posts are there. It's a new day.

Let's go.