The block.

There is something awful that goes on in my mind and my body when I lose about 20 pounds: it becomes extremely difficult to keep going. This has now happened three times. The only difference this time is I'm putting it out there publicly and crying to buck the trend somehow. Failure was never an option with this journey and it still is not. I just don't know how to break this plateau. And I certainly don't want to gain weight back. So how do I overcome this block? Please, help me.

On another note, what really bothers me a bit is that my blood pressure is much worse now than it was when I started this journey. That seems counter-intuitive and is very frustrating.

Also, I have been suffering from more chest and left arm pain and discomfort of late; it may even be the worst yet. This causes me to worry about my other blood numbers, which, per the doctor, should have improved when I lost over 5% of my body weight. It's a gut-wrenching place to be; I almost feel like I have a disease I can't stop. Believe it or not, chest pains are a psychologically crippling problem that tend to also affect other areas of one's life. I can certainly attest to this. I don't quite know what to do, because I feel better when I take aspirin but I don't want to be "on it" for the rest of my life. Also, the chest pains get worse – there is no doubt they get worse – after my heart has to beat hard from exercise. On those days, I experience feelings of burning and pulling directly over the heart for the rest of the day. The pain is usually gone in the morning, but for the whole day I'm worried about a heart attack and I take aspirin.

I just shouldn't be in this situation as a 24-year-old. What should I do?

Halloween weigh-in...

Tomorrow morning's weigh-in is going to be nightmarish, I know. It's going to be a look in the mirror and decide who you want to be kind of moment. I'm bracing for disappointment and I know I'm going to have to fight hard next week to regain lost ground and hopefully come out better than ever so far on this journey. I'm so anxious to get to the point where I can say, "OK, all the fluctuations are behind me and I can move forward from point X, which is my best to date." I'm hoping that day is 11/07/2012.

Tomorrow I will post the weigh-in number at the bottom of this post, and then daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. I hope to work my butt off next week, literally.

I weighed in this morning at a shocking 219.2 pounds, which sets me back to August. If ever a time to prove people wrong, it's now. I'm so sorry for letting you all down so far.

I know you think I don't have what it takes, but I still believe.

217.6

I weighed in this week at 217.6 pounds, bringing my total weight loss to (0.6) pounds. Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here.

I'm not going to be like the Bills.

I might not be able to run on the field and knock the ball away on 4th down (someone, please), but I'll sure as heck win in a game that I can control.

So I'm not going to screw up my opportunity to change. I'm not going to be a perennial loser. I'm not going to let the bottom drop out of the whole operation. I'm going to rise up, overcome, and win.

Don't break character.

The Killers' "Be Still":

Humiliated again

I weighed in this week at 217.8 pounds, a gain of 1.3 pounds from the last weigh-in, bringing my total weight loss to (0.8) pounds. However, I think this is an anomaly and I'll tell you why.

1) It has been a very stressful week here and I am about a full night behind on sleep, which is proven to skew weight loss results.

2) I ate a lot yesterday, including a slice of Amy's apple blueberry pie before bed.

I have to keep pressing on and good things will happen. It feels like there is a lot to stress about in my life right now and, regardless of how much I eat, stress will always inhibit weight loss.

I need to get my stress under control and then we will start to see better results. School, in particular, has presented a big challenge, and I have to overcome that.

Posting results like this is humiliating. I can only hope for better next week.

-0.5

I weighed in this week at 216.5 pounds, a loss of 0.5 pounds from my starting weight of 217. My total weight loss is now 0.5 pounds.

Not exactly the first week I was hoping for, since I need to average 1.3 pounds/week. I'll have to make it up, but I'm not sure that will happen this week with a 3-night trip coming up over the holiday weekend.

Daily calorie totals for the next week will be posted here. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access in Ocean City, but if I do I will be posting.

The Bills suck.

This was supposed to be the year. It was. But it's hard to do with mediocre, recycled coaches and a backup starting quarterback. I hope I'm wrong, but here's how I see the season playing out:

@ SF: L (if you thought the Bills were outclassed today, just wait until next week)
@ AZ: L (the Bills never play well out west, especially in a back-to-back)
TEN: W (if we're lucky; TEN always give us fits)
@ HOU: L (see SF comment)
@ NE: L
MIA (Thurs): W (OK, I will give us this one)
@ IND: W
JAC: W
STL: L (Jeff Fisher has that team playing winning football)
SEA (Toronto): W (but it should be close)
@ MIA: L (we're not going to sweep the Dolphins)
NYJ: W (I have to give us this one)

Yay, 8-8. More mediocrity, no good draft picks.