As you may have gathered, I'm at a standstill with my weigh-ins until I receive the new high quality digital scale that I ordered. Amy and I actually get each other a small gift each month, and she combined my May and June gifts to get me the scale. Thanks, love. :) Anyway, the next weigh-in will occur the morning after I receive my shiny new digital scale, which will likely be an eye-opening experience in a negative way. I would do well to start building up inner strength to resist the voices I'll hear when I see the number on that scale. I am anticipating an overall reset and a reinstatement of the original 21-Day Metabolism Makeover plan.
Until the next weigh-in, calorie totals will continue to be posted on the A Sleeping Giant Awakes post. You can see from the totals that I am still eating to lose weight (and I'm sticking to my workout schedule, by the way), but something's wrong in my body right now. I don't know what else to say. There is no doubt in my mind that I am gaining weight back right now, and I have no explanation for it. It's humiliating, and if I were my readers I would be feeling skeptical about this whole process. But guess what? I'm in charge, and I know that one day I do end up winning this thing. So be patient. This is a journey.
That said, I have been experiencing more unexplained chest pain in the past week or so than I have for quite a while. What's so disconcerting about these episodes is that they're different every time, and they always occur on the left side of my chest/shoulder/left arm. I have also been experiencing tightness in the center of my chest. In this I am also at a loss as to what to do. I can't afford tests that actually show me what the heart looks like (and whether or not I have heart disease), so it's all guesswork based on my symptoms and blood work. And, those factors show that I should be OK and there's nothing diagnosable. Yet the discomfort remains, and it is extremely debilitating to my psyche. It makes me anxious for everything and uneasy about my entire life. It makes me worry about things a 23-year-old has no business worrying about. And I wonder, is this all phantom pain placed by God for a reason? If I were thin and muscular and pain free, would I become a vain, selfish, arrogant person? I don't know. But there's a reason for what I'm going through.
That is scary.
ReplyDeleteI can't speak for you, but I can say that if it were not for my own struggles in other areas, I would decidedly be a much more "vain, selfish, arrogant person."
So...I am inclined to think there is some reason for it all. My personal attitude is that there is some stuff in my life that keeps me decent. If my character truly improves, perhaps God will see fit to remove the training wheels.
I'm not at all saying that's going on with you, that's just how I see it for myself. But you know, some people live their whole lives in chronic pain, and it's not really clear what the point of that is.
Thanks, Juice. This comment is a real encouragement. Why is it that I never forget anything you say?
Delete