The "holiday season" as we call it is here and with it comes a heck of a lot of challenges in terms of eating. Counting calories is hard because there are extracurricular eating opportunities popping up everywhere. Willpower can be low because it's the end of the year and you have a voice inside your head telling you it's OK to party a bit. And anytime you have a lot of new life circumstances to go along with it, it's not made any easier.
I find myself discouraged today because I have a substantial appetite but a small calorie budget. This is going to be a rough week, I know it; yet the need to make a down payment on the rest of the month is blaring like a siren in my brain. It's a conflict, it is, and I am unhappy. What would make me happy in the short term is going out of the house right now and downing a huge hot breakfast. But instead I'll choose not to, and I'll have something like a 230-calorie pack of breakfast biscuits instead in an attempt to make a down payment that will more than likely fail anyway. That is the challenge. What will make me happy long term is posting a losing number on this blog; the challenge is prioritizing that over daily satisfaction. I'll be honest; anytime I find myself in a situation like this (new job, and probably a new home in the next couple of months), eating is the last thing I want to worry about, and I tend to make sure I'm satisfied in that regard because the new job is so stressful. I don't know how to deal with that.
I am deathly afraid of gaining weight during the holidays. More so than that, I am afraid of admitting that I gained weight. I am going to do my best day by day (and I'm not going to bake a bunch of cookies, which kills me!), but one thing I haven't learned yet is how to deal with life when all you want to do is eat. Ugh. I'm so ashamed of this and I really want to succeed. I don't feel strong enough. Or, I don't feel that my stomach is small enough. I don't know. You can see the conflict there. On the one hand I'm beating myself up, and on the other hand I'm saying, "It's natural. You can't kill yourself over this. You need to do what you do and let the chips fall." I'm a mess.
Be that as it may, here are the top songs of 2012 via a Spotify playlist (they are in order to the best of my ability): Top Songs of 2012
Joe, I've been so busy I hadn't seen last week's post until quite late. Huge congratulations on the promotion. And it sounds like you're taking a wise, nuanced course in regard to grad school. I hope that works out. As for this post, I would only add that "It's natural" and "It's shameful" are both your enemies. There is a path of trust somewhere in between those poles, though I certainly won't pretend I know how to find it or that the footing is easy.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jesse.
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