Weaknesses of the human psyche

Friends, I've been on this journey for more or less exactly two months now (oxymoron, I know). Any time you go through an experience like this, there are always going to be ups and downs. That's something you have to deal with. But what really is tough is the fragility of the human psyche. Last night I had what was probably the best workout I've had so far at the gym, and I came home feeling reborn (I know I've said this dozens of times now, but there really is a re-focusing that goes on after a good workout). This morning, though, I saw my reflection at a low angle and I felt defeated. Here we are, two months in and 20 pounds lost, I hope (Monday's weigh-in will tell, and if I lost 6 I will be up to a total of 20), yet I feel like my face looks exactly the same. No one has told me they think I've lost weight, because my neck is still fat and my cheeks are still droopy. Where have I dropped weight? Well, my legs, of course – the most unnoticeable spot. It's discouraging, especially when you hold a 20-pound weight and think, "I actually lost this amount of weight and I don't see it. Where is it coming from? My organs?"

This reinforces my expectation that once I break the 200-pound barrier the weight will be very stubborn. In order to actually look different, THAT is the weight I'm going to have to lose.

So, I keep going, and I keep trying to improve. I've never lasted this long in a weight loss attempt (two months), and I have no desire to stop. This blog has been crucial, as has your accountability. I'm bracing for disappointment on Monday, but no matter what happens I'll be able to say, "I lost X number of pounds in two months, and I'm proud of that. Now, I have to do X, and I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen."